Relationships that are ‘connecting’ and allow for collaboration appear
to offer children a wealth of interpersonal closeness that supports
the development of many domains, including social,
emotional, and cognitive functioning.
Daniel J. Siegel, 2001
Nothing works better than connecting with your child.The type of relationship you build with your child is what guides them throughout their life. Children learn by following the examples set by adults around them and from their experience of their own relationship with their parents. Parents can feel tired, ill, and stressed or angry and so can children. Children often cannot tell us how they are feeling but instead “act out” their feelings through their behaviors. When parents are under pressure themselves, it is more difficult to take the time to work out what your child is trying to tell you. Parents may often just react to the behavior.
If a parent cannot keep calm, they owe it to their child to take care of themselves first and be responsible for their own feelings. This also teaches children that feelings are okay and can change if given time, attention and kindness. Defiance or tantrums are their way of communication that your children need your help to understand what it is they don’t yet know. Possibilities that they might be overwhelmed, tired, hormonal and can’t clearly express what is happening for them.
Here are 5 simple Tips on how to manage Anger in order to avoid yelling at your kids.
- Make yourself a comforting warm drink.
- Walk around the house or go outside.
- Investigate stress management options such as yoga, meditation or regular exercise.
- Learn about child development, so that you can better understand and anticipate your child’s behavior.
- Seek professional advice from parents hotline, psychologist or counselors.
Remember that listening deeply to a child in distress greatly increases the child’s sense of safety and connection. Having a great relationship with your child helps them keep on the right track in the future to succeed.